I feel so renewed. :)
Friday, April 4, 2008
I feel so renewed. Just got home from church. I don't know. But I'm having visions lately. Most particularly& specifically sa vision na binigay sa akin ni Lord para kay Rap. Anyway, he didn't come earlier, but it's okay. I know he's tired kasi sa basketball practice. =]
Anyway, God's really great. I wanna share, what happened earlier...during the praise & worship. I was really dry. I don't know. Yes, I can feel His presence. I wanted to cry out. But, something's bothering me... the visions, the sunday sevice, practice tomorrow, who will be my back-ups, Rap, and my cousin (kuya).
I couldn't really concentrate. It felt as if I could feel His presence already, but... I was really pre-occupied with things... and those things mentioned above. And plus to that, I felt really weak--physically. I felt my body shaking & trembling and I was having goosebumps.
The fast song was playing... I stood far sa mga youth sa church... I thought that I needed to have this worship hour with God, so doon ako tumayo sa may pinakagilid then... I focused myself. The slow songs that were sung were also the slow songs given to me by God. At first, I told my friend na iyon kantahin niya... but she hesitated, then I found her singing it. I knew it was God's message for everyone.
I set my mood, then I continued to concentrate. Step by step, I felt that those things...being taken away by God. And then, when the song... "One Desire" started playing... I felt asif my body started shaking once again.
Everything flashed in my mind... the desire of my heart is to see the vision that God had for Rap. And to think that before the fellowship started... I was given a verse... a confirmation from God. I forgot the book, but I could remember some of the words. It said something like...
"The vision that God has given to you will be fulfilled and He will not delay it."
And then, I started shaking... feeling as if my body's becoming weaker and weaker. Then, I started to feel the tears in my cheeks... and then.... I broke down and cried. Cried really really hard. I started worshiping God. I started praising Him. And then I started to speak in tongues once again.
"Lord God... Lord God... I'm sorry...Clean my heart..."
I don't know why, but I felt as if I needed to ask for forgiveness. Then tears continued streaming down my face.
"Lord... You've seen my burdens... Lord... Use Rap... Use me... Use me God... Use me mightily... Lord... I cast my cares upon You... I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet God..."
I was still kneeling and crying.. then I continued. As I was crying, I really could feel His comfort. It was as if God was embracing me. It was as if... God was calming me down, telling me that it's alright and I remembered during our leadership seminar just last April 1-3, I remembered the last night... the big event for me... the Singaporean speaker had an altar call, he said that...
"Those who are feeling empty, you may come here in the altar... come, and bring your empty jars with you... and ask God to fill it for you..."
I remember I went there... and then... when he started praying, (btw, the speaker was the same pastor who confirmed that I had a calling from God last summer camp), and when he started laying hands on each of us... the song "With All I am-Hillsong" started playing...
then when he laid hands on me, I felt as if it was Jesus' hands. And what he said to me that night, I recalled them earlier as I was kneeling and crying and praying to God. It was like this:
"He says he loves you very much. Jesus loves you very very much. All you need to do, is to surrender everything in His altar, and to hand to Him your empty jar (w/c meant my empty heart). Surrender your nothingness before Him. Surrender it all. In Jesus name. In Jesus name!"
I remember how it felt so good. Then, I kept on crying... and I was screaming... I was pouring out my heart so hard... and I felt so comforted by God.
I kept praying:
"Lord, use me God! Use me! Fill me! Take away my emptiness! Break me! Break me! Lord, I want to make history! I want to make a difference! I want to live for Your glory! Lord, I need You! I need Your help! Fill me! Renew me! I worship You, God... I worship You!"
I was still crying, then again... the song was changed. I cried more when I heard it switch to "With All I am". I can still remember everything. "
Jesus loves you so much." It felt so sweet. Sweet surrender. Nothing mattered that moment but the pastor's words, rather, Jesus' words echoing in my head. It made me cry even more.
It felt so funny. Why? When the worship ended, everyone else was quiet, and they were ready for the 'new member's banquet program' while I was still.... sitting on the chair, and crying. I was still overwhelm by the presence of God, and then I was really really filled with His Spirit.
After like... crying for more than an hour... I excused myself, because my two band mates were comforting me, and I needed to have a time alone. I went to the bathroom, and cried again until I stopped. After that, I went back inside, and then I sat at the very back portion of the church pews.
Then, my friend (the song leader that night), Renz, went to talk to me and she sat beside me and asked me what's wrong. I had my head up, and tilted it on the pew, and smiled, then laughed and smiled again. (It was like I was drunk in His presence!) She looked at me and gave me a 'what's-happening-to-you-look'. I smiled again then I responded.
"Si God kasi, pinapaiyak Niya ako! Haha. Joke. Thank You Lord talaga..."
I smiled, then I thought to myself...
"I'm drunk. Tumatawa tapos lumuluha tapos ngumingiti... lasing na yata ako eh... lasing sa presence ni Lord."
I smiled again. Thank You Lord for this night!
"Thank You for renewing me again! Thank You! Amen."
Ikaw?
Naranasan mo na bang malasing sa presence ni Lord?
Friday, April 4, 2008
I feel so renewed. Just got home from church. I don't know. But I'm having visions lately. Most particularly& specifically sa vision na binigay sa akin ni Lord para kay Rap. Anyway, he didn't come earlier, but it's okay. I know he's tired kasi sa basketball practice. =]
Anyway, God's really great. I wanna share, what happened earlier...during the praise & worship. I was really dry. I don't know. Yes, I can feel His presence. I wanted to cry out. But, something's bothering me... the visions, the sunday sevice, practice tomorrow, who will be my back-ups, Rap, and my cousin (kuya).
I couldn't really concentrate. It felt as if I could feel His presence already, but... I was really pre-occupied with things... and those things mentioned above. And plus to that, I felt really weak--physically. I felt my body shaking & trembling and I was having goosebumps.
The fast song was playing... I stood far sa mga youth sa church... I thought that I needed to have this worship hour with God, so doon ako tumayo sa may pinakagilid then... I focused myself. The slow songs that were sung were also the slow songs given to me by God. At first, I told my friend na iyon kantahin niya... but she hesitated, then I found her singing it. I knew it was God's message for everyone.
I set my mood, then I continued to concentrate. Step by step, I felt that those things...being taken away by God. And then, when the song... "One Desire" started playing... I felt asif my body started shaking once again.
Everything flashed in my mind... the desire of my heart is to see the vision that God had for Rap. And to think that before the fellowship started... I was given a verse... a confirmation from God. I forgot the book, but I could remember some of the words. It said something like...
"The vision that God has given to you will be fulfilled and He will not delay it."
And then, I started shaking... feeling as if my body's becoming weaker and weaker. Then, I started to feel the tears in my cheeks... and then.... I broke down and cried. Cried really really hard. I started worshiping God. I started praising Him. And then I started to speak in tongues once again.
"Lord God... Lord God... I'm sorry...Clean my heart..."
I don't know why, but I felt as if I needed to ask for forgiveness. Then tears continued streaming down my face.
"Lord... You've seen my burdens... Lord... Use Rap... Use me... Use me God... Use me mightily... Lord... I cast my cares upon You... I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet God..."
I was still kneeling and crying.. then I continued. As I was crying, I really could feel His comfort. It was as if God was embracing me. It was as if... God was calming me down, telling me that it's alright and I remembered during our leadership seminar just last April 1-3, I remembered the last night... the big event for me... the Singaporean speaker had an altar call, he said that...
"Those who are feeling empty, you may come here in the altar... come, and bring your empty jars with you... and ask God to fill it for you..."
I remember I went there... and then... when he started praying, (btw, the speaker was the same pastor who confirmed that I had a calling from God last summer camp), and when he started laying hands on each of us... the song "With All I am-Hillsong" started playing...
then when he laid hands on me, I felt as if it was Jesus' hands. And what he said to me that night, I recalled them earlier as I was kneeling and crying and praying to God. It was like this:
"He says he loves you very much. Jesus loves you very very much. All you need to do, is to surrender everything in His altar, and to hand to Him your empty jar (w/c meant my empty heart). Surrender your nothingness before Him. Surrender it all. In Jesus name. In Jesus name!"
I remember how it felt so good. Then, I kept on crying... and I was screaming... I was pouring out my heart so hard... and I felt so comforted by God.
I kept praying:
"Lord, use me God! Use me! Fill me! Take away my emptiness! Break me! Break me! Lord, I want to make history! I want to make a difference! I want to live for Your glory! Lord, I need You! I need Your help! Fill me! Renew me! I worship You, God... I worship You!"
I was still crying, then again... the song was changed. I cried more when I heard it switch to "With All I am". I can still remember everything. "
Jesus loves you so much." It felt so sweet. Sweet surrender. Nothing mattered that moment but the pastor's words, rather, Jesus' words echoing in my head. It made me cry even more.
It felt so funny. Why? When the worship ended, everyone else was quiet, and they were ready for the 'new member's banquet program' while I was still.... sitting on the chair, and crying. I was still overwhelm by the presence of God, and then I was really really filled with His Spirit.
After like... crying for more than an hour... I excused myself, because my two band mates were comforting me, and I needed to have a time alone. I went to the bathroom, and cried again until I stopped. After that, I went back inside, and then I sat at the very back portion of the church pews.
Then, my friend (the song leader that night), Renz, went to talk to me and she sat beside me and asked me what's wrong. I had my head up, and tilted it on the pew, and smiled, then laughed and smiled again. (It was like I was drunk in His presence!) She looked at me and gave me a 'what's-happening-to-you-look'. I smiled again then I responded.
"Si God kasi, pinapaiyak Niya ako! Haha. Joke. Thank You Lord talaga..."
I smiled, then I thought to myself...
"I'm drunk. Tumatawa tapos lumuluha tapos ngumingiti... lasing na yata ako eh... lasing sa presence ni Lord."
I smiled again. Thank You Lord for this night!
"Thank You for renewing me again! Thank You! Amen."
Ikaw?
Naranasan mo na bang malasing sa presence ni Lord?
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