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Sorry, Lord.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
7:36 AM
This is one of my super down posts. I never tried this here ever since this blog started. You know, I am not always-okay. And for my friends who are reading this, please don't go and blab about this. I have my weak spot, and I guess--this is it. I know that God is at work at me now. He is re-constructing me. I thought... I was all okay with my relationship with Him. I just realized that... even though it felt okay, it wasn't. I believed in my own conviction. I felt His presence. I felt so in love with Him. Yes, I was filled with His Spirit.
But--I just can't lie to myself, and to Him. I was filled with His Spirit--and that was by His grace. I felt His presence--because He never fails. But all in all, if I meditate and reflect... I am far from okay. I was swayed by that thing, that it caused me to believe in my self-conviction. I was still in contact with God--but, it felt 'dry'. I used to remember, before--every time I pray, I prayed with tears. But now. It just... seemed, so--'distant'... and this thing that I haven't given up... made me become like this.
To my friends who are reading this, to the readers, and to those who are just passers-by, I hope you'll learn from my experience.
I knew it from the beginning that 'He didn't want me to engaged in this relationship i had with someone'. My parents were okay with it, and at first, I thought it was okay with me too. But as time passed by--I realized guilt started to grow in me. I had sleepless nights. I thought of that someone. And then--I knew that time, 'God was prompting me to let go.'
But, disobedient as I am, I ignored the small voice in me, and continued with it. Honestly speaking, I knew it wasn't bothering me, really. But--I can feel that God wants me to have Him, ALONE--in my heart. He wants my UNDIVIDED HEART. HE WANTS MY WHOLE.
And tonight...
I broke up with him. I know it hurts. But i know it's wrong. I guess I love him too much--and I love him less much. I needed to do this. I needed to. YEAH I KNOW! I know, I'm young. I was... lost. I will wait for the right time, Lord. Though it hurts, so MUCH. *sobs*
I know, the Lord has something in store for me. I am still here. Broken before Him. I made a mistake. I went before His plan for me. But yet... He is still here--calling me back into His arms.
Lord, I surrender this to Your hands. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause. In Jesus' name... Thank You for the guilt-free feeling. Amen.
"Almighty God, The Great I Am, Immovable Rock, Omnipotent, Powerful, Awesome Lord, Victorious Warrior, Commanding Kind Of Kings, Mighty Conqueror
And the only time, The only time I ever saw Him run Was when He ran to me, took me in His arms Held my head to his chest, said my son's come home again Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in His voice He said son, do you know I still love you? It caught me by surprise, When God ran
The day I left home, I knew I had broken His heart I wondered then if things could ever be the same Then one night, I remembered His love for me And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It's the only time, The only time I ever saw Him run When He ran to me, Took me in his arms Held my head to his chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in his voice, He said son, Do you know I still love you? It caught me by surprise, It brought me to my knees When God ran
I saw Him run to me
And then I ran to Him
Holy One Righteous Judge He turned my way Now I know He's been waiting for this day
And then He ran to me, Took me in his arms Held my head to Hs chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes, With forgiveness in his voice, I felt His love for me again
He ran to me Took me in His arms Held my head to His chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes, With forgiveness in his voice, He said son, He said son, My son, Do you know I still love you? Oh! He ran to me When God ran"
He had been waiting for this day.
"John 15:13- Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for His friends."
i am what i am and that's what He wants me to be...
psalms 139
a lady that is striving to live in accordance to God's will
who is learning to see God's greater purpose for her
who is not perfect yet striving to give her best to her Master.
The vision statement:
to be used by God for His glory and honor alone. to make history and to reach out for unsaved souls.
to see myself bearing the fruits of the Spirit. to walk with Him through tears and joy.
to see myself being used by God as a worship pastor, to be equipped by His word, to make a difference.
to hear my Master's voice and to see His face one day and to stand before Him and to hear Him say: "well done,good and faithful servant!"
God, church friends
,family
,singing
,guitar
,drums
,keyboard
,bass
,preffered to be called gee. age is a mystery. i am God's servant. it's all about Him.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
7:36 AM
This is one of my super down posts. I never tried this here ever since this blog started. You know, I am not always-okay. And for my friends who are reading this, please don't go and blab about this. I have my weak spot, and I guess--this is it. I know that God is at work at me now. He is re-constructing me. I thought... I was all okay with my relationship with Him. I just realized that... even though it felt okay, it wasn't. I believed in my own conviction. I felt His presence. I felt so in love with Him. Yes, I was filled with His Spirit.
But--I just can't lie to myself, and to Him. I was filled with His Spirit--and that was by His grace. I felt His presence--because He never fails. But all in all, if I meditate and reflect... I am far from okay. I was swayed by that thing, that it caused me to believe in my self-conviction. I was still in contact with God--but, it felt 'dry'. I used to remember, before--every time I pray, I prayed with tears. But now. It just... seemed, so--'distant'... and this thing that I haven't given up... made me become like this.
To my friends who are reading this, to the readers, and to those who are just passers-by, I hope you'll learn from my experience.
I knew it from the beginning that 'He didn't want me to engaged in this relationship i had with someone'. My parents were okay with it, and at first, I thought it was okay with me too. But as time passed by--I realized guilt started to grow in me. I had sleepless nights. I thought of that someone. And then--I knew that time, 'God was prompting me to let go.'
But, disobedient as I am, I ignored the small voice in me, and continued with it. Honestly speaking, I knew it wasn't bothering me, really. But--I can feel that God wants me to have Him, ALONE--in my heart. He wants my UNDIVIDED HEART. HE WANTS MY WHOLE.
And tonight...
I broke up with him. I know it hurts. But i know it's wrong. I guess I love him too much--and I love him less much. I needed to do this. I needed to. YEAH I KNOW! I know, I'm young. I was... lost. I will wait for the right time, Lord. Though it hurts, so MUCH. *sobs*
I know, the Lord has something in store for me. I am still here. Broken before Him. I made a mistake. I went before His plan for me. But yet... He is still here--calling me back into His arms.
Lord, I surrender this to Your hands. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause. In Jesus' name... Thank You for the guilt-free feeling. Amen.
"Almighty God, The Great I Am, Immovable Rock, Omnipotent, Powerful, Awesome Lord, Victorious Warrior, Commanding Kind Of Kings, Mighty Conqueror
And the only time, The only time I ever saw Him run Was when He ran to me, took me in His arms Held my head to his chest, said my son's come home again Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in His voice He said son, do you know I still love you? It caught me by surprise, When God ran
The day I left home, I knew I had broken His heart I wondered then if things could ever be the same Then one night, I remembered His love for me And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It's the only time, The only time I ever saw Him run When He ran to me, Took me in his arms Held my head to his chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in his voice, He said son, Do you know I still love you? It caught me by surprise, It brought me to my knees When God ran
I saw Him run to me
And then I ran to Him
Holy One Righteous Judge He turned my way Now I know He's been waiting for this day
And then He ran to me, Took me in his arms Held my head to Hs chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes, With forgiveness in his voice, I felt His love for me again
He ran to me Took me in His arms Held my head to His chest, Said my son's come home again, Lifted my face, Wiped the tears from my eyes, With forgiveness in his voice, He said son, He said son, My son, Do you know I still love you? Oh! He ran to me When God ran"
He had been waiting for this day.
"John 15:13- Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for His friends."
