GEE is the name,yo.

I pray for...

2008-05-11T03:11:00.000-07:00

I pray for a guy:
who loves Jesus more than he will love me
who has a "strong and true" heart
who will make my spiritual and emotional purity a priority
who will be a warrior to guard my heart
who will help me focus on God
who is bold enough to ask me from the hand of my Father, the KING of kings
who has strong faith than mine
and who will be man enough to spend the rest of his life with me

I got these from Ate Jazzy's blog. This is exactly my prayer too. :)

JESUS!

2008-05-11T02:31:00.000-07:00

DANCE WITH THE SPIRIT.
Lift up Holy hands.

Just got back from our youth camp. It was the best experience that I've ever encountered. God really is good. For 5 days in the Lord's Prayer Mountain, I've experienced something that I've never experienced starting the day I became one with Christ.

It was during the last night. I knew I just had to have this real encounter with God, and I knew I just had to have it. As what the theme says, 'Real encounter, Real challenge, Real change.'

I was encouraged with what the pastor told us. He said that: "Ask from God what you've never experienced from Him before." So, I was challenged.

It was during the praise & worship. I was praying that...

"Lord, I've already experienced kneeling before you, crying out before you, I've been slain in your presence already, I've jumped in your presence, I've laughed in the spirit already, I've spoken in tongues, so now God... I want to experience something, really really DIFFERENT."

It was just then realizing God's message and applying it in my worship. His message to me was simply just: "Listen, and be still." So, I was just listening. Then when I was worshipping Him, I felt something different.

My left hand was moving by itself, and it was like--dancing. I was not moving it. And I knew, I knew it was the Holy Spirit. It was the Spirit itself. Then, after sometime, my right hand started to move. And then, I felt the presence of God falling and pouring down on my head. I felt a great electricity in my body as it started heating up. I felt a very heavy weight pushing my hand. It was as if it was making it move.

And then, I was speaking in tongues already, and I was crying out to God while praying. It was as if I could sense His smile. And then that was when I realized that I've experienced something that I've never experienced in my whole Christian life before-- dancing in the Spirit.

I was really overwhelmed in His presence, I was really really overjoyed. The pastors even called it 'tranced in the Spirit' I was so happy. God really made me experience something that I've never experienced before. God made me experience.

I had a real encounter with Him. I had a real challenge with Him. And now, I'm praying for a real change in my life and in my walk with Him. In fact, I am going to give up teentalking. Which had become a stronghold in my life. I am going to give up writing stories in forums.

I am going to do this for my Master.

AMEN to Him.

2008-05-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

watch this video. i was blessed while watching it.
God bless!

2008-05-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not really excited for the upcoming youth camp..
but i am excited. excited for the things that He will do there.
I am excited for His moving in our midst and I know.

This will be another life-changing, life-transforming experience.

use me Lord as i sing...

Renewing me?

2008-04-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

He is renewing me right now. I know He is. I can feel so distant from Him. He is starting to do me over again. He is starting to work in me again. Not in the same way He had worked in me before, because I believe--God works in exciting ways.

Sometimes, we may not understand them. Sometimes, we even complain a lot! And not only sometimes, if we only check ourselves and if we'll only be honest with our feelings, we can see that ALL the TIME we are complaining. But did He ever complained? Did He? Did He??? He never. HE NEVER EVER EVER EVER complained. Even a bit. What did He say about our ways when He was at the Cross? He even told His Father that... "Lord, forgive them. For they know not what they do!"

He even had pity on us. No, not pity rather, He was still full of mercy. He still loved those who hurt Him. Well, He never really hates us, he hates what we are doing. God hates SIN. And Sin, lives in us. But we can avoid it, right? We've been sealed with the Holy Spirit. The Spirit had already been deposited in our lives the moment we received Jesus. And to add to that that He is the author of salvation!

Right now, me and God are not that alright. I feel so far from Him. I need to admit, for to services--I wasn't even to listen to God's word. I mean, I was there, but we were talking. And that's why it's like this. But, praise God! Though I was disobedient, He's still there...

I could still feel the warmth of His embrace.

"Draw me close to You..."

God, I feel distant from You

2008-04-22T05:10:00.000-07:00

I just wanna scream it all out.
I feel so far from You.
I'm so sorry.

"How many times, have I broken Your heart?
But still You forgive, if only I ask.
And how many times, have You heard me pray?
Draw near to me."
-All for Love, Hillsong.

"Even when I fail You...
I know You love me..."
-At the Cross, Hillsong.

It hurts to completely ignore the time you need to spend with Him--just because you were busy with your cellphone. I don't know what's wrong with me right now. I'm still asking for His revelation. I'm waiting still.

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours.."
-Hosanna, Hillsong.

I know, I've been through a lot lately. I gave up everything to Him. My friends eventually turned their backs on me. Everything was unfair. Everything was falling apart. My world started to turn upside down. It seemed that I had no hope.

But out of nowhere, a Voice called out to me. "My child, I am still here." Tears fell from my eyes when I heard that. I couldn't help but embrace His love. I couldn't help but cry harder and harder.

Despite everything, He was still there--He will always be there. My world fell apart, but He was still there. He still cared--He will always care.

But I still chose to ignore Him. I chose to not to communicate with Him. I chose to follow my own selfish will. But in the end... I was still caught in His arms. He still caught me in His arms..

with the same words. "My child, I'm still here..."

I found myself

2008-04-15T04:38:00.000-07:00

I found myself.

been through a lot. but now, i'm back to my old self. (: God is so good. Now, I can feel His love in me... Thanks God. (: I'm starting a new line. "TRUE LOVE WAITS" haha. New life quote. ;) Just came home from my drums lessons, and yiea... I'm starting to get it. (: Lord, I really thank You for this privilege. (:

my desire to play the drums is for You God. I want to be used by You in this one. Not just in praiseleading. (: I know You gave me this desire, and now, I'll be giving it back to You. (: Go,go,go Lord!

Surrender

2008-04-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we need to give things up to catch up with God's plan for us. All we need to do is to trust Him, and everything else will fall into its right timing, right place, right ways.

friendship day & the broke up lists.

2008-04-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

FRIENDSHIP DAY
& THE BREAK UP LISTS.

Super happy FRIENDSHIP day.
me and Rafael.

DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!

[me: gawsh, thanks for the treat, kus!]
[rafael: yiea, no prob, twin]

THE MAD GUN.
[me: ohmygulai, i'm gunnna win this!]
[raf: shut up or you'll die. harhar.]

SEARCH for the lost coin
[me: heyyyy, where is it?!]
[raf: heeeeyyy, it's not here!]

HOW much money left?
[me: seriously man, what's up?]
[rafael: got no more money left XD ]

MUSIC MADE US ONE
[me: hey twin, nice pose. you really look like a guitarist now XD ]
[raf: haha! you're a drummer now, twin.]

tsktsk. what have i done?
[me: yiea, listen, obey, let go, TRUST]
[raf: yiea. right, right.]

you see, me and my twin [not really twin, we just call ourselves twin yiea, but we're not even blood related. he's rafael. if you could remember in one of my previous posts, i've posted bout the vision God told me to share to Raf. i'm so glad that, we're really really like twins. i really thank God for this dude. he makes me so happy. it's funny because, we laugh the same way, we forget stuffs, and we have lots in common, that's why we call each other 'twin'.

and yiea,Raf and his gf also broke up. ang saya diba? isa lang ang message ni Lord mula nun April 8-12.

'i want your undivided HEART'
'LISTEN. OBEY. LET GO. TRUST'

let me show you this:

april 8- my cousin & his gf broke up.
^we're in one ministry too.

april 9- my bestfriend & his bf broke up.
^i kinda discerned it already, and i saw it coming.

april 10- my broke up with him
^God really waited for this time.

april 11- Rafael and his gf broke up
Rafael & his cousin's bf broke up too.
^now that's a pretty clear message

april 12- my cousin broke up with her bf.
^and it is very obvious.

And once again, I AM PROUD TO SAY...

i'm officially SINGLE, and not AVAILABLE.
I am taken by God. I am only available to Him & for Him alone.
TRUE LOVE WAITS, GUARD YOUR HEART!

Lord, thank You. Listen to this song, play this video, and meditate on the lyrics:

Sorry, Lord.

2008-04-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

This is one of my super down posts. I never tried this here ever since this blog started. You know, I am not always-okay. And for my friends who are reading this, please don't go and blab about this. I have my weak spot, and I guess--this is it. I know that God is at work at me now. He is re-constructing me. I thought... I was all okay with my relationship with Him. I just realized that... even though it felt okay, it wasn't. I believed in my own conviction. I felt His presence. I felt so in love with Him. Yes, I was filled with His Spirit.

But--I just can't lie to myself, and to Him. I was filled with His Spirit--and that was by His grace. I felt His presence--because He never fails. But all in all, if I meditate and reflect... I am far from okay. I was swayed by that thing, that it caused me to believe in my self-conviction. I was still in contact with God--but, it felt 'dry'. I used to remember, before--every time I pray, I prayed with tears. But now. It just... seemed, so--'distant'... and this thing that I haven't given up... made me become like this.

To my friends who are reading this, to the readers, and to those who are just passers-by, I hope you'll learn from my experience.

I knew it from the beginning that 'He didn't want me to engaged in this relationship i had with someone'. My parents were okay with it, and at first, I thought it was okay with me too. But as time passed by--I realized guilt started to grow in me. I had sleepless nights. I thought of that someone. And then--I knew that time, 'God was prompting me to let go.'

But, disobedient as I am, I ignored the small voice in me, and continued with it. Honestly speaking, I knew it wasn't bothering me, really. But--I can feel that God wants me to have Him, ALONE--in my heart. He wants my UNDIVIDED HEART. HE WANTS MY WHOLE.

And tonight...

I broke up with him. I know it hurts. But i know it's wrong. I guess I love him too much--and I love him less much. I needed to do this. I needed to. YEAH I KNOW! I know, I'm young. I was... lost. I will wait for the right time, Lord. Though it hurts, so MUCH. *sobs*

I know, the Lord has something in store for me. I am still here. Broken before Him. I made a mistake. I went before His plan for me. But yet... He is still here--calling me back into His arms.

Lord, I surrender this to Your hands. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause. In Jesus' name... Thank You for the guilt-free feeling. Amen.

"Almighty God,
The Great I Am,
Immovable Rock,
Omnipotent,
Powerful,
Awesome Lord,
Victorious Warrior,
Commanding Kind Of Kings,
Mighty Conqueror

And the only time,
The only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
took me in His arms
Held my head to his chest,
said my son's come home again
Lifted my face,
wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said son,
do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
When God ran

The day I left home,
I knew I had broken His heart
I wondered then
if things could ever be the same

Then one night,
I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road
ahead I could see

It's the only time,
The only time I ever saw Him run
When He ran to me,
Took me in his arms
Held my head to his chest,
Said my son's come home again,
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in his voice,
He said son,
Do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise,
It brought me to my knees
When God ran

I saw Him run to me

And then I ran to Him

Holy One
Righteous Judge
He turned my way
Now I know
He's been waiting for this day

And then He ran to me,
Took me in his arms
Held my head to Hs chest,
Said my son's come home again,
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in his voice,
I felt His love for me again

He ran to me
Took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest,
Said my son's come home again,
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in his voice,
He said son,
He said son,
My son,
Do you know I still love you?
Oh!
He ran to me
When God ran"

He had been waiting for this day.

"John 15:13-
Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for His friends."

2008-04-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

"He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.- Luke 16:10"

God rewards those who are faithful.
God rewards those who are faithful.
GOD REWARDS THOSE WHO ARE FAITHFUL.

God rewards those who obey Him.
God REWARDS those WHO OBEY HIM.

Are you obedient enough to be rewarded by God?

Are you faithful ENOUGH to be blessed by God?

THINK.ABOUT.IT.

"Lord, I want to obey You always. I want to be faithful to You. Not just be passionate. I want to serve You with an inner Joy stirring in me. I want to give You my undivided attention. Break my heart for what break Yours. EVERYTHING I AM FOR YOUR KINGDOM'S CAUSE, God."

Infinite Treasure

2008-04-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. - 2 Corinthians 4:7"

The first line in the page struck me.

"Knowing God and having Him reside within you is a treasure of infinite value."

This is indeed, true. At times, we do take the Treasure we have in us for granted, because we are being swayed by the things in this world. But as of now, I'm so glad that I've read this. This means that I am strong though I'm weak, I'm loved though I'm hurt, and I'm encourage though I'm discourage--because His love is enough to complete me.

"His love now fills you. His incomprehensible peace surrounds your heart and mind (Phil. 4:7)"

Tama nga. Though there are storms in life, when you're with Him, at ease ka pa rin and may peace ka pa rin.

"When Jesus dwells in your life, everything available to Christ dwells within you (Eph. 3:19)"

Amen! Hallelujah. Everything is being made able through Him. Thank You Lord!

And remember this:

"Only as we allow God to fill us and renew our inner self will people see a treasure of immeasurable worth. Don't focus on outward appearances and physical strength, for these deteriorate. Rather, allow the Holy Spirit to convince you of the infinite treasure that is within you because of... God's presence."

Be filled with His love today! Let LOVE rule (: Why? What is love? Love is God! And God is? Love! Therefore...

Let love rule! (:

Why am I tired?

2008-04-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

To obey is better than sacrfice...

Changed through Meditation

2008-04-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Changed through Meditation.

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
-Psalms 1:2"

Mediation means "to think deeply and continuously about something." For a Christian this means..

"remaining in the presence of God and pondering each truth He reveals about Himself until it becomes real and personal in your life.

when we meditate on Scriptures...

"the truth moves from our head to our heart and results in obedience. (Psalms 119:11)"

Today, I challenge you readers and fellow Christian believers.

Don't just read your Bible.

Meditate on God's word and ask Him to...

change your heart.

source: experiencing God day by day devotional book

GO LORD! :)

2008-04-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

Go, Lord!
Trust.trust.trust. (part 2)

I love the title of this post that I'm sharing to you guys. GO LORD!! Thank You sa Kanya kasi He used me mightily sa araw na 'to. I'm so blessed and I'm so filled with His Spirit, as if naka-HIGH ako. As in super... lasing nga ako talaga sa presence Niya! Hehe.

Hindi ko maimagine na ako pala iyong maglilead nun... kasi, alam niyo po? Graduation pala nung mga Bible School Students and that meant--pastors na sila! Amen. It was a great privilege to have them as one of the worshipers in that service. I was so happy!

"Lord, thank You! Though I'm scared a bit, but I know You're with me, You're with us! Let Your will be done!"

And then... I went out from the backstage after our prayer with the team... and on the stage I stood before His presence.

Go Lord! Bakit go Lord? Kasi... yung last kong pag praiselead sa araw na 'to... kanina yun, last service of the day. Glory to God! Tumawa ako, kasi... nag brownout! =]

Bigla ko nalang naalala iyong nangyari nung umaga, walang keyboardista. =] Then... nung nandoon na ako sa stage, sa likod ko yung Cross at iyong senior pastor namin at iyong speaker namin. I was so secured. I was with Jesus, I was with the Father, we were all with Them and His Holy Spirit is with us all.

The cross meant only one thing. It was where Jesus died for us. And Jesus--He is the expression of His Father's love to us.

After few minutes, the electricity came back. I was smiling dramatically looking at the ceiling--which meant to me that I was looking to God, fixing my eyes on Him. I remembered my post earlier... It said there that--no matter what destruction happens, FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS.

So I did.

I was jumping, I was really happy. My heart was overflowing with God's love. I could really feel His Mighty Hand guiding me. I could feel His whisper. I could feel Him beside me. I sang the fast songs with tears streaming down my face. And when it came to the slow ones...

I only had one thing in mind.

Go, Lord.

That line I uttered meant a lot to me. It were only 2 words there. But, it meant almost everything to me, and I hope to you too. Meditate on it. But what I meant about that was..

Go, Lord. Have Your way.
Go, Lord. Show us Your glory.
Go, Lord. Fill our hearts.
Go, Lord. Let Your will be done.
Go, Lord. Come and sweep through this place.
Go, Lord. Let Your glory fall.
Go, Lord. Shine Your light and let Your people see!

I could really feel His presence. I saw someone on his knees, and one was crying so loud, the other was lifting both hands--act of surrender, and then, when i looked again... all were really expressing themselves to God. God is indeed great. His love abounds!

One thing I learned this day?

Learn.to.trust.GOD.

Thank You Lord

2008-04-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

Trust.Trust.Trust.

It is by His grace once again, and by His Spirit that I was once again, being made able by God, to lead His people. I've been leading in Sunday services for 4 sundays now. And everytime I do, it always feel as if the first time. Yes, I do worship lead in our youth fellowship... But I have a different team when it's for the Sunday worship.

I really thank God for blessing my heart. I knew He saw how I reacted during the first service. You see, it was as if na parang pagod yung lahat, parang hindi pa in the mood--and included na dito yung p&w team. I was okay. God and I were and are very okay. But earlier... it was as if... He was testing me.

Hindi nakarating iyong keyboardist namin nung first service, I only had one back-up, and they got another person for the powerpoint transparency, because the one who does the role of being a projector, were late.

I was like... I'm okay God, kasama naman kita. But, inside... I was really really... troubled? Not really troubled. It was as if... I was disheartened. I cannot explain it using the right adjective/feeling... but... God knows.

And then... the second service came. Thank God for the breakthrough in my heart... May nag speak in tongues, and... I interpreted it. And then I was pouring my heart out. Now I know! During the first service... it was as if... I failed to trust God. I mean, I trusted Him--a divided trust. I was crying, as I was singing the last song...

"The one thing, the one thing.. I ask. Is to be with You Lord! The one thing...the one thing...I asked, is to be with You..."

Tears were streaming down my face, and I couldn't sing it rightly anymore. My voice was muffled. But, I kept on worshiping Him, and I could feel His warmth comfort of embrace. I continued singing:

"This is my cry, my one desire... is to be where You are Lord... now and forever."

When I mentioned the last 3 words... I cried even more. It is indeed a great joy to be with Him right now... how much more if we'll be with Him forever?!

"It's more than a song... My one desire... is to be with You... is to be with You... Jesus..."

I felt so blessed by God. The first thing that I learned... and I realized, and I've also read from the book about praise & worship leading....

1. When everything else fails to work, if the microphones won't work, if there are any missing instrumentalists, if the strings of the guitar fails, and if the drumsticks falls, always remember one thing... fix your eyes on Jesus, fix it on Him.

2.Trust Him, and let His will be done. Where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name, there He is with them.

3.If you are a leader, you must have a heart of a servant, and you must be willing to be God's follower.

4.He will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him!

and lastly...

5.He looks for someone with a BIG heart for Him. Fruits are better than gift!

I want to quote this verse from Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding... in all your ways acknowledge Him... and He will make your path straight.."

And in closing, I would like to say....

When all else fails, just fix your eyes on Jesus!

yes or no?

2008-04-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

how's your relationship with God?

comment here to answer.

Lord, ease my fear.

2008-04-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Lord, ease my fear.

give me enough courage later. give me the boldness God.
use me. use me. this is my prayer.
---

He spared not His own Son

2008-04-04T16:08:00.001-07:00

He Spared Not His Own Son

"He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things.- Romans 8:32"

What I read from my devotion this morning really made me realize many things... Some of the sentences in my devo book, really comforted me:

"If you ever feel that you are so insignificant that God does not care about you or that He does not want to listen to your prayers, you will be encouraged by Romans 8:32. There you are assured that your heavenly Father loves you unconditionally. There was nothing so precious to Him that He would not give it up in order to provide for your salvation. When the Father gave his precious Son to save you, He proved once for all that His love is boundless."

As I continued reading, I realized how much the Father loves us. True, all the things that we REALLY need are free. The air we breath, the family we have, the friends we treasure, the SALVATION that He gave us, and this LIFE that He had given us.

In light of what God did for us at the cross, should we not approach the throne of grace with confidence? God's response to our prayers is not based upon our worthiness but upon His love and grace. Our confidence in prayer comes not from who we are but from who He is! Nothing we could ask of Him could ever compare with the price He paid for us at the cross.

It's good to hear, read, and listen to God's voice as we meditate over Romans 8:32. It really inspires me and it makes me realize how God loves me--how much He loves us all! Let's live with confidence and anticipation knowing that almighty God is willing not only to give us eternal life, but also to help us experience it fully!

"Lord, I pray this day that You would have Your way upon me. Bless this day, and as I walk with You throughout the day, may You reveal more of You to me. Lord, thank You for loving me! Father, thank You so much! Jesus, thank You for dying on that cross God! Lord, open my eyes and my heart this day, and speak to my heart. I'm listening God. Bless all that You would want to happen today. I commit the practices later in Your hands! Thank You so much for that eternal life You've promised us (John 3:16) and thank You for helping us to experience Your goodness in our lives! God, may You be blessed and glorified in the things that You would want me to do this day! This day is Yours! Hallelujah... In Jesus' name, Amen."

Be a blessing today, God's beloved!

I feel so renewed. :)

2008-04-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

I feel so renewed.

Just got home from church. I don't know. But I'm having visions lately. Most particularly& specifically sa vision na binigay sa akin ni Lord para kay Rap. Anyway, he didn't come earlier, but it's okay. I know he's tired kasi sa basketball practice. =]

Anyway, God's really great. I wanna share, what happened earlier...during the praise & worship. I was really dry. I don't know. Yes, I can feel His presence. I wanted to cry out. But, something's bothering me... the visions, the sunday sevice, practice tomorrow, who will be my back-ups, Rap, and my cousin (kuya).

I couldn't really concentrate. It felt as if I could feel His presence already, but... I was really pre-occupied with things... and those things mentioned above. And plus to that, I felt really weak--physically. I felt my body shaking & trembling and I was having goosebumps.

The fast song was playing... I stood far sa mga youth sa church... I thought that I needed to have this worship hour with God, so doon ako tumayo sa may pinakagilid then... I focused myself. The slow songs that were sung were also the slow songs given to me by God. At first, I told my friend na iyon kantahin niya... but she hesitated, then I found her singing it. I knew it was God's message for everyone.

I set my mood, then I continued to concentrate. Step by step, I felt that those things...being taken away by God. And then, when the song... "One Desire" started playing... I felt asif my body started shaking once again.

Everything flashed in my mind... the desire of my heart is to see the vision that God had for Rap. And to think that before the fellowship started... I was given a verse... a confirmation from God. I forgot the book, but I could remember some of the words. It said something like...

"The vision that God has given to you will be fulfilled and He will not delay it."

And then, I started shaking... feeling as if my body's becoming weaker and weaker. Then, I started to feel the tears in my cheeks... and then.... I broke down and cried. Cried really really hard. I started worshiping God. I started praising Him. And then I started to speak in tongues once again.

"Lord God... Lord God... I'm sorry...Clean my heart..."

I don't know why, but I felt as if I needed to ask for forgiveness. Then tears continued streaming down my face.

"Lord... You've seen my burdens... Lord... Use Rap... Use me... Use me God... Use me mightily... Lord... I cast my cares upon You... I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet God..."

I was still kneeling and crying.. then I continued. As I was crying, I really could feel His comfort. It was as if God was embracing me. It was as if... God was calming me down, telling me that it's alright and I remembered during our leadership seminar just last April 1-3, I remembered the last night... the big event for me... the Singaporean speaker had an altar call, he said that...

"Those who are feeling empty, you may come here in the altar... come, and bring your empty jars with you... and ask God to fill it for you..."

I remember I went there... and then... when he started praying, (btw, the speaker was the same pastor who confirmed that I had a calling from God last summer camp), and when he started laying hands on each of us... the song "With All I am-Hillsong" started playing...

then when he laid hands on me, I felt as if it was Jesus' hands. And what he said to me that night, I recalled them earlier as I was kneeling and crying and praying to God. It was like this:

"He says he loves you very much. Jesus loves you very very much. All you need to do, is to surrender everything in His altar, and to hand to Him your empty jar (w/c meant my empty heart). Surrender your nothingness before Him. Surrender it all. In Jesus name. In Jesus name!"

I remember how it felt so good. Then, I kept on crying... and I was screaming... I was pouring out my heart so hard... and I felt so comforted by God.

I kept praying:

"Lord, use me God! Use me! Fill me! Take away my emptiness! Break me! Break me! Lord, I want to make history! I want to make a difference! I want to live for Your glory! Lord, I need You! I need Your help! Fill me! Renew me! I worship You, God... I worship You!"

I was still crying, then again... the song was changed. I cried more when I heard it switch to "With All I am". I can still remember everything. "Jesus loves you so much." It felt so sweet. Sweet surrender. Nothing mattered that moment but the pastor's words, rather, Jesus' words echoing in my head. It made me cry even more.

It felt so funny. Why? When the worship ended, everyone else was quiet, and they were ready for the 'new member's banquet program' while I was still.... sitting on the chair, and crying. I was still overwhelm by the presence of God, and then I was really really filled with His Spirit.

After like... crying for more than an hour... I excused myself, because my two band mates were comforting me, and I needed to have a time alone. I went to the bathroom, and cried again until I stopped. After that, I went back inside, and then I sat at the very back portion of the church pews.

Then, my friend (the song leader that night), Renz, went to talk to me and she sat beside me and asked me what's wrong. I had my head up, and tilted it on the pew, and smiled, then laughed and smiled again. (It was like I was drunk in His presence!) She looked at me and gave me a 'what's-happening-to-you-look'. I smiled again then I responded.

"Si God kasi, pinapaiyak Niya ako! Haha. Joke. Thank You Lord talaga..."

I smiled, then I thought to myself...

"I'm drunk. Tumatawa tapos lumuluha tapos ngumingiti... lasing na yata ako eh... lasing sa presence ni Lord."

I smiled again. Thank You Lord for this night!

"Thank You for renewing me again! Thank You! Amen."

Ikaw?

Naranasan mo na bang malasing sa presence ni Lord?

Jazzy. :) I'm so blessed.

2008-04-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

I just wanna feature Ate Jazzy's blogsite, Embracing His Love. click the title to be redirected to her blog site.

I really like her blog. It encourages me talaga. Especially her posts. I can really feel that God is speaking to me everytime I read her posts. =] Grabe, sobrang na move ako sa latest post niya. God is indeed, so FAITHFUL. :)

My prayer for her:

"Lord, though I haven't met her personally, I pray that You would, dear God, continue to bless this child of Yours. Lord, though I'm just a reader of her blog, I know that You are using her to bless other peoples lives. Lord, thank You for her life! I just praise You God, for using her blog and her life God to inspire others lives--including mine! Lord, thank You! God, continue to manifest in her life. Continue to be her stronghold God! Continue to use her... mightily God. Thank You for giving me the privilege to read her blog. Thank You Jesus for her life once again.

God, continue to uphold her life. Continue to be her strength God. Continue to be her Joy! Continue to be her Comforter! Continue to let her grow, God! Continue to make her a blessing! Thank You! I am so blessed sa life ni ate Jazzy, Lord. =] Continue to make her a blessing to others, continue to make her blog and her life an encouragement to those who needs Your comfort. Lord, bless her with boldness, use her for Your glory and honor God!!!

Thank You so much Jesus. Bless her life, bless her loved ones... thank You Jesus, thank You Father! Amen."

Ate Jazzy. I guess you did not expect this, but thank You Lord for your life and for your blog! =)

Respond to His call.

2008-04-04T00:59:00.000-07:00

i can't send a reply to my bestfriend right now because i ran out of load. boy, did i even reached the total amount of the load? was that already 200 messages?! coolio. right now, i'm just surfing teentalk, shabby princess and blogging. when my mum arrives i'll be off to church.

God gave me a vision. I don't know. I just knew it was from Him. I knew it. It was last night when me & my bestfriend Rap were texting and the words came out from nowhere. You see, Rap plays the guitar, and I know he's good at it. Well, he's not really really that good. But I know, that God's gonna use him... might be not now, but maybe tomorrow.

I was like this last night:

"Lord, I know You will be using Rap. I have this burden to see these young people in Your ministry. I know this vision that You're giving to me... is somewhat a message that I should share to Rap."

And then all came back to me. I don't know why, but I really have this burden. I wanna see youths serving God, I wanna share them my experiences--especially to my bestfriend, Rap, who's just started going to church. I can see that God would really use this kid, and then I texted Rap about this.

"Rap, what is the biggest desire in your heart?"

He said that:

"Gusto kong mag guitar sa church"

I knew that by that moment, God was already speaking to Rap's heart, it somewhat told me that it was really a confirmation that God was giving me this vision that He'll use Rap in His ministry, as a guitarist in the praise & worship team.

I was so happy last night when I saw Rap's reply. I told Him that if he would want to be a guitarist in the church, he should come and join the fellowship daily, (fridays) so that He'll grow more and more in Christ. I know Rap has the potential, and I know one day he'll be a praise and worship leader.

I asked him one time.

"Rap, what if one day you'll be called by God in praise & worship leading?"

He replied that, "Sana." I didn't know what that meant, but I know one day... sooner or later... He'll be a part of the worship team. I knew that he really wants to be a part of the team, and he even told me na... "I'll join if marami na akong natutunan... not now." I know, God's still preparing Rap. He has a nice voice, and he's also one of the choir members of the church. And I even thought that, "Maybe one day, God will really use him in praise leading!"

My heart really yearns na magshare sa mga taong interesado sa pagjoin sa worship team. It's my passion, I just want them to feel what I felt way before I was in this team. I can see myself kasi in Rap. Noong di pa siya dumating sa church, I was the youngest. And then I really wanted to play the guitar, but right now God switched my passion--I desired to be a drummer too.

Before I became a praise leader, I was a tambourine dancer. I was 11 years old then. And right now, I'm almost 15. 4 years na ako sa praise and worship team. the first two years were my training years. Marami rami na ang nireveal sa akin ni Lord. And He gave me this calling. And then... eto. He's using me. But take note, 3 years ako sa pag back-up... and then I told God na, "Lord, wag ako sa pag praise lead." And then, ayun! He pulled me out of my comfort zone...

So, yan muna...

I'll be going to church na! :)

Ikaw? When will you respond to His call?

thanks Lord, for granting my desire!

2008-04-03T08:05:00.001-07:00

and as of the moment....

*drumrolls*

I wanna thank God for granting my desire!

Gee here
is now soon gonna be a drummer-in-the-making.
formal lessons begins on Monday... wanna know why I'm so happy?
It's because I've been desiring to be enrolled in such a class...
and be taught by a proffesional drummer teacher. :)
and now... God's granted my request! Praise Him! :)

thank You Lord! Thank You!

God, I need to move on.

2008-04-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

God, i need to move on. Help me Lord. I've sinned once more. I've sinned once more. Please don't withhold Your anointing in my life...

Lord God, I know you know about him. Is it really him, Lord? Was that sign from You? I'm still waiting, God. But, please... if He's not the "one" You've set for me, then let me move on. It hurts, and it hurts, and it simply hurts. You know how I feel. If this is infatuation, please, remove it. Let it fade away. I know You're still number one in my life, and I know...somehow, this thing doesn't affect my relationship with You.

For now, Oh Lord, give me rest. Allow me to grow more. This day had been tough. I can't stop saying sorry. Oh, God. I'm sorry Jesus.

I lied, sinned against my own flesh, and I've cheated.

God, I surrender this to You.

In Jesus' name.

it doesn't hurt, does it?

2008-02-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

i will live for Your glory God... though it takes alot of things inorder for me to focus more on You... i will take the risks... :C

yo.

2008-02-15T01:36:00.000-08:00

well, yieaa.. this site is still under construction..
so... sorry for the inconvinience ya. :]]